


I hate you, just the way you are

by chimmyartik



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Hate to Love, M/M, Romeo and Juliet References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:06:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22237561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chimmyartik/pseuds/chimmyartik
Summary: It wasn’t just the role of a dumb school play. No, it was more to the fact that everytime Jisoo(or more commonly referred to as Joshua) got the main role, scored top in class, won best sportsman, or basically anything Jeonghan used to be able to get before he transferred, he felt that knot in his tummy grow.ORYoon Jeonghan is an angsty teenager that finds out there’s a thin line between love and hate.
Relationships: Boo Seungkwan/Chwe Hansol | Vernon, Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan, Jeon Wonwoo & Kim Mingyu, Wen Jun Hui | Jun/Xu Ming Hao | The8
Comments: 8
Kudos: 92





	I hate you, just the way you are

“Forswear it, sight, For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night”

The boy sitting across the room nodded, his leg tossed over the other swinging at a steady tempo. His brown eyes were cast downward towards two things held in his hands; a halfway-gone phone, screen so cracked Jeonghan wondered how he could still see through it and the booklet of lines Jeonghan was supposed to memorise by the end of the week, pages boring worn creases from usage dating years back. As if he hadn’t spent nearly every moment learning every characters lines for the past 4 years. Seungcheol looked up, shooting an encouraging smile at Jeonghan and ALMOST succeeding in brightening his godawful mood.

Every year the school held the same play, tweaked here and there but it was always Romeo and Juliet(school probably didn’t want to spend too much getting new scripts). And for the past two years Jeonghan attempted to get in, he had failed miserably. Well, more specifically he got in only as a mere understudy, and to Hong Jisoo of all. 

It wasn’t just the role of a dumb school play. No, it was more to the fact that everytime Jisoo(or more commonly referred to as Joshua) got the main role, scored top in class, won best sportsman, or basically anything Jeonghan used to be able to get before he transferred, he felt that knot in his tummy grow.

Joshua had only enrolled in high school two years ago, but was already gifted student of the year, an award Jeonghan worked particularly hard for. 

He can’t help but feel just a teensy bit envious at first. By the 2nd week of his transfer, he had the girls wanting to date him and the guys wanting to be him. Joshua also had this nauseating, PERFECT English speaking skill that got on Jeonghan’s nerves. And yes, when the test papers came back and Jeonghan realised his top spot had been quite suddenly snatched from him, he was still fine.

And when the teacher had chosen Joshua over him as the last runner-up(always the fastest) for the relay, he was fine.

And when he won every single competition he chose to take part in, Jeonghan was still fine.

But when he auditioned for the godforsaken school play Jeonghan had secretly dreamt of starring in and got the role of Romeo, things didn’t really sit well with him. 

When Jeonghan said he worked his ass off for this role, he really did. He had sacrificed his dignity playing a tree(juniors didn’t get the main role)for the past three years and had been keeping up a good grade both in acting class alongside his other academics. But Hong Jisoo just had to come along and ruin that too.

Nobody had actually said it to him, but Jeonghan knew that back when he was the school’s ace, now he was the guy one-upped by the new golden boy. 

Could anyone really blame him for holding resentment? 

It didn’t help that Hong Jisoo was not only insanely good-looking, but also a really nice guy overall. It made Jeonghan want to hate him even more for being the polite, kind gentleman he was. For not having any reason really, to be hated.

So everytime Joshua threw him one of his million-dollar smiles or complimented him on his outfit, Jeonghan was forced to pull his lips in a forced facade of likeness. Until the day he snapped.

It was a particularly bad day. He’d just gotten his finals mark back and for the first time in 9 years, his name wasn’t printed beside the number one. To most people, Jeonghan would’ve looked pretty arrogant, to be sulking over second place, but ever since he was young, it was ingrained in him that second place was just another term for ‘the first to lose’. 

“Jeonghan, there’s next year. You can do better.” Seungcheol’s voice floated out to him. Seungcheol didn’t say the things people usually said, ‘I got so much lower than you’, ‘Be grateful you didnt fail,’ etc, etc. Seungcheol knew that was no way to make Jeonghan feel better. He was well aware too; the amount of times Jeonghan had to pass on social events and isolate himself so he could spend more times on his studies.

That didn’t stop Jeonghan from pining over all the moments he missed out on with Mingyu and Wonwoo. It didn’t stop him from looking at all those instragram pictures of Joshua hanging out while Jeonghan sat there at home. It just didn’t feel fair, that Jeonghan had spent so much time and hard work trying to be the person that Joshua was while Joshua was just... naturally Joshua. 

It didn’t help that Hong Jisoo just had to show up in that moment of vulnerability and try to console Jeonghan. It didn’t help that Jeonghan had basically threw a tantrum and called Joshua something along the lines of unworthy fraud but in much more colourful volcabulary. It didn’t help that he had to run off the minute the nasty words were spat out of his mouth because the liquid gathering behind his eyes threatened to spill over then and there.

That night, after the lengthy lecture Jeonghan received from his parents, he realised that he really hated Joshua. He didn’t need to pretend to like the boy, even though he’d done nothing to deserve said dislike. It saved Jeonghan the trouble of keeping up the draining facade.

Today, Jeonghan had just found that yet again, he had been one-upped by the golden boy by getting not even a side character, but his very own fucking substitute. To say he was pissed would be an understatement.

Seungcheol reached out his hand to pass the bubble tea Jeonghan had barely touched since the two hours they had purchased it. Seungcheol’s own honeydew milk tea was drained dry beside it. 

“Your drink is probably warm and diluted as fuck by now so there’s no way I’m drinking it for you.” Seungcheol huffed as he passed it to Jeonghan. The tea was indeed bland and unpleasantly lukewarm but two hours of reciting the script over and over again in frustration left his throat parched. The cup was finished in less than two minutes. He crumpled it up and threw it, gaining a small moment of triumph as it landed in the bin. 

“Hey,” Seungcheol called out, his eyes sparkling with concern. “You need a break, seriously dude.”

Jeonghan snorted as he plopped down next Seungcheol on the beat up couch of the school’s old music room. The music room was sort of like a hideout just for the two of them. It was located in the oldest block of the school and was thought to supposedly be haunted(Jeonghan and Seungcheol might have a part in that story to make sure no one intrudes). The two best friends didn’t mind that the room was on the highest floor nor did they mind the dust motes constantly floating around the dim space(the workers no longer made the effort to clean this part of the school so the two had to pitch in a bit to make sure the place wasn’t crawling with pests). As long as it was a place just for the two of them, to hang out, to unwind, to escape from reality. 

Jeonghan was always seen as a quiet but respected student. Never stepping out of line, never conflicted with other students, but also have never been to a social event. The news of his outburst with Joshua lasted a good two months before it died down last year, but everyone knew the two together probably wasn’t a very good combination.

Jeonghan has noticed these days that he wasn’t getting as many invites as he used to, not that he even attended the parties or anything but he still felt a sense of appreciation of the fact that he still, well, mattered. It was understandable though, he was an introvert at best, never sharing much except to his only trusted companion, Seungcheol, and maybe a little bit to the rest of his camaraderie; Wonwoo and Mingyu.

That’s why the music room mattered so much to the four of them. Jeonghan and Seungcheol found it way back when they were 13 and freshmen to high school. From then on, whenever they got the chance the four would spend time after school before separating to their own households.

The music room was mostly bare except for an out of tune, dusty grand piano and a couple guitars with broken strings alongside the beaten up couch. The large brown closets behind held many yellowed music scores and every so often the odd trinket if the two were in the mood to search through the dust. Four years and there were still treasures to be found.

Jeonghan rested his head on Seungcheol’s shoulder and closed his tired eyes. “I just want to graduate and move to university already.” Jeonghan muttered. He had been growing his hair for the past few months and now it had reached just below his shoulders which he now pulled back into a ponytail. 

His parents had wanted to cut it off but Jeonghan maintained his ground and grew it out regardless of the looks received from everyone around him. It was sort of a token of rebelliousness on his part. He wanted to at least have control over something, know that something belonged to him and him only.

“If only. Senior year didn’t really turn out to deserve as much hype as we were giving it.” Seungcheol groaned. A pile of unfinished homework and heavy books haphazardly dumped on the floor gave substance to his words. 

Jeonghan remained silent by his side, feeling exhaustion kick in as his adrenaline rush faded away. He glanced outside, watching the bright green leaves of a March spring move against the stark contrast of blue sky. How pretty.

“You’re going to talk to her tomorrow, right?” Seungcheol’s question jolted Jeonghan out of his reverie.

“Who?”

“The teacher. You know you could just tell her why you deserve that role or at least try for another character.”

“No point,” Jeonghan signed. “Joshua is her precious star. And it wouldn’t be fair to try to take any of the other roles. I’ll just deal with this shit until finals are over and done with.”

Seungcheol frowned at that. “I would clock his ass if you asked me to. Just say the word.”

Jeonghan chuckled. “Scoups, you wouldn’t hurt a fly. Plus, nothing would really fruit from that except a day at detention. I’ll be charged too as an accomplice to assault anyway.”

Seungcheol threw his hands up in frustration and jumped to his feet. “I need to get going. You should too, your parents would be home soon.” He extended a hand towards Jeonghan who reluctantly accepted it. It’s done now, and Jeonghan had taken out his frustration as best as he could. Hopefully, tomorrow was a better day.

*****

“Is it that bad?” Mingyu’s pupils were pushed to the very edges of his eyes as if it was possible to see his hair like that. 

“Give me a second.” Wonwoo mumbled trying desperately to push down the rock-hard atrocity perched upon the other boys head. It took Jeonghan and Seungcheol everything within themselves not to roll on the floor laughing. 

Mingyu basically tries new hairstyles every month just because he can. Usually they turn out great, like his punk-rock vampire hair he sported or the silver undercut that managed to cause a number of love letters to find its way into his locker.

Today, his hair stuck out in a half-curl-half-spike fashion that would’ve probably looked good without all the chemicals Mingyu put it in to make it stay. He had woken up late that morning and didn’t get a chance to check how it dried before he came straight to school. Jeonghan imagined Mingyu’s strands actually breaking off with how hard Wonwoo was leaning onto it. The water he’d sprinkled barely made an impact.

“Are you sure it wasn’t glue you used instead?” Seungcheol chuckled. 

“I swear, one day your hair’s gonna resemble a broom.” Jeonghan added earning a guffaw from the other two. Mingyu could only put his head in his hands in embarrassment, as if to hide from all the whispers and stares going around in the room.

“I know a trick that’ll help with that, if.. you don’t mind.” A soft voice cut through the noisy chatter of the classroom. Jeonghan felt his mood darken instantaneously, realising the owner of that voice.

A silence followed that, a bit longer than it was supposed to be. Mingyu’s eyes flicked towards Jeonghan’s before turning back to Joshua. “Y-you can?”

“Sure. You just gotta use some fabric instead on your hair. Umm, let me try.” Joshua made straight for Mingyu’s desk, not even sparing a glance and Jeonghan. Jeonghan didn’t know whether to take it as a good thing or a bad thing but he couldn’t look away from the only-slightly-awkward scene unfolding in front of him.

Joshua gently patted his hair and winced. “This’ll be a bit tough. Hopefully I don’t break anything.” Mingyu whipped his face up in alarm. Joshua chuckled. “I’m just kidding, don’t worry. I used to be a whole gel freak back in middle school.”

And just like that, the tension between the two diffused. The only person who seemed to be on end was Jeonghan, who could only hope his face was as neutral as could be.

Jeonghan turned around in his chair, pretending to be more caught up in his work when he felt a slight tap on his shoulder. Expecting it to be Joshua, Jeonghan fixed a scowl on his face before turning around and coming face-to-face with Soonyoung. 

“Woah there, tiger. I come in peace.” He put up his hands as if he’s come into contact with a wild animal and Jeonghan felt his facial features melt back into its usual mild, if not slightly annoyed, indifference.

“What’s up?”

“So, uh, you know how Solji got the part of Juliet in the play and all but she’s been going back and forth on the idea and after a whole month of rehearsal she just dropped the role and her sub took over? Well turns out Chaeyoung has some last minute plans with her family on the exact same date as the play so she can’t do it either.”

“Okay..?” 

“So we’re now about 2 weeks away from the play with no Juliet when the title is literally Romeo and Juliet, like you can’t have the play without the Juliet it’ll just be called..”

“Soonyoung, get to the point.”

“Ok ok. We need to find someone who knows the play well enough to pick up her lines quickly, and,” Soonyoung winced before continuing. “I sorta recommended you since you’ve been in this thing since-“

“Wait, WHAT?!”

“Hear me out, this is a GREAT opportunity. You’re the main star now, and I know you are an incredible singer too so we got that part down. You’ll do amazing.” Soonyoung tried to smile but his eyes gave away his unease. 

It’s not that Jeonghan had much of a problem playing a female role. In fact, under any other circumstance, he would’ve jumped at the opportunity to play a main character. But the fact that he would be a love interest to none other than Hong Jisoo was almost unbearable to imagine. He could barely even look his way without feeling resentment, how the fuck was he supposed to act like he was in LOVE with the guy.

Soonyoung looked at him expectantly, waiting for an answer. On the other hand, this was, in fact, a good opportunity. It was kind of funny how ironic this entire situation was really. He sighed. “I need a while to think about it, okay? I’ll get back to you when I’ve made up my mind.”

“Sure thing.” Soonyoung beamed at him apologetically before returning to his seat. Jeonghan glanced at Joshua, who had miraculously fixed Mingyu’s hair and was now laughing over something the latter just said. Even Wonwoo was looking at the two amusedly, a ghost of a smile lingering.

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Jeonghan can do it, can’t he? Whatever it is, he’ll be one hell of an actor.

*****

“I swear to god, if you don’t get my cup noodle down from there I’ll steal all your lunch for a YEAR. Do NOT test me Seokmin, you know I can do that.”

Seungkwan’s outburst was followed by an uproar of laughter, the loudest originating from Seokmin himself. “I-I’m sorry(wheeze) but y-your face(snort) is priceless.” His words were slurring and barely decipherable as he clutched his stomach, doing nothing to stifle his laughter much to the annoyance of Seungkwan.

The cup noodle turned out it to be resting upside down on top of one of the makeshift cardboard arches that was supposed to be part of the play’s set. How it got up there in the first place was beyond Jeonghan, but a scene like this being the first thing he sees as he enters the rehearsal venue wasn’t unusual. The theatre kids were a rambunctious group, always hyper and just crackheads in general. Jeonghan seemed so normal in contrast that he actually bordered on abnormal with how much quieter he was than the rest of them, but there were moments when he had to admit; their crackheadedness rubbed off on him.

Seungkwan made a half-hearted attempt to jump for his noodles which was a whole meter taller than him. This only managed to set off the rest of the cast to another bout of giggles. Jeonghan joined in, his face WAS truly priceless, what with it being scrunched up in mock anger and repulsion. He seemed like he was trying pretty hard to keep in his own laughter though.

“Ahhh Hannieeeeee!!” Seungkwan practically wailed, spotting Jeonghan entering the auditorium. “Can you help me get my lunch down?! See what these demons are subjecting me too!” He puffed out his cheeks and Jeonghan exaggeratedly rolled his eyes.“If you give me half of it, sure.”

Seungkwan looked aghast, his hands flapping all over his face. Before he could say anything else, Soonyoung walked out on stage, followed by Joshua. Soonyoung was this year’s play director and although he was ecstatic to be chosen, his usual playful and bright personality seemed to be dampening with stress as the play drew closer. Under normal circumstances, he would’ve jumped right into teasing Seungkwan. Now, he merely walked over to the arch and shook it lightly, catching the cup noodle as it fell over. 

A tongue-tied Seungkwan cautiously took the packet from him. “Uhh.. thanks, hyung.” He shared a glance with Seokmin as the rest of the cast quietened down, sensing the serious mood. 

Soonyoung cleared his throat. “I- We’re uhh.. lacking a Juliet. Chaeyoung is unable to take her part.” A murmur went through the cast. Just 2 weeks from opening night, it’s a sure cause for panic. Soonyoung quickly continued on. “So we can’t go over any major scenes today while we work this out, but we’ll do what we can. Seungkwan, can you help me take charge here for a bit, thanks.” Soonyoung turned to lock eyes with Jeonghan, a desperate plea obvious in his brown irises.

Jeonghan saw it coming. “Jeonghan, can we talk? Seokmin, too.” Seokmin, who had already turned to follow Seungkwan, jolted in surprise and pointed to himself in question as if there was another Seokmin present in the room. Jeonghan grabbed his hand and dragged him over to where the uneasy Soonyoung and Joshua stood.

Jeonghan tried not to look at Joshua but he could already feel his crankiness acting up. It’s immature and impractical, yet Jeonghan can’t help how much Joshua affected his mood simply by his presence. 

“Jeonghan, have you given my offer any thought?” Soonyoung tried to force a smile but his fidgeting hands and shuffling feet betrayed his anxiousness well enough. 

“I.. “ Jeonghan trailed off, wondering if it was worth it. The fact that he had to play a part he despised the most to get what he had wanted for years. The irony of it was truly frustrating. All Jeonghan wanted to do was destress with a nice warm soak in a bathtub and maybe... sleep. Oh god, he’d kill for a nap right about now. That’s how frustrating this situation is.

Joshua’s soft voice spoke up then, shaking Jeonghan out of his reverie. “You don’t have to, we can still figure this out some way. Don’t-“

“I’LL DO IT!” 

All three boys, including Seokmin who probably had no idea what was going on, visibly flinched from Jeonghan’s outburst. Well, that came out louder than he intended. Jeonghan mentally blamed Joshua. 

Soonyoung broke the painfully tense silence that ensued. “Umm.. wow ok that’s great. Cool, cool. That means we can rehearse the main scenes immediately.”Soonyoung slung an arm around Seokmin, his features relaxed in relief. “Jeonghan is going to play Juliet. That means Seokmin’ll be Romeo’s understudy just in case.”

Seokmin broke into a grin and nudged Jeonghan’s arm in congratulations. “Great!! I’ll let the rest of the cast know,” Seokmin exclaimed. Jeonghan tried to match his enthusiasm but found himself already dreading the rehearsals that were to follow. 

Jeonghan caught a quick glance at Joshua who seemed to want to be anywhere else but here. Good, the feeling’s mutual then.

*****

The next five days were filled with awkwardness and annoyance. Well, for Jeonghan it was. Joshua was a really good actor, one would be a fool not to admit it. Every time Joshua gave him a tender look and re-enacted the scenes of his love professions, Jeonghan felt a strange sense of deja vu. Another facade. However, at least now it was worth putting up. Jeonghan thoroughly enjoyed his scenes WITHOUT Joshua, and he loved spending time with the rest of the cast. Jeonghan had fit into the role like a hand to a glove. Make no mistake. Jeonghan, too, was a good actor. An outsider would’ve never have guessed that he absolutely resented his Romeo.

“You two seem to be getting along.” Seungcheol had once smirked after watching a rehearsal scene to give third-person feedback to Soonyoung. 

“Fuck, no. This is a tribute to how well my acting skills are.” Jeonghan and Seungcheol made their way out of the auditorium. Jeonghan had turned around at that moment and made eye contact with Joshua. Jeonghan immediately broke away, confused. He felt heat gather in his cheeks. Was Jisoo looking at him, had he been looking at him the entire time? Or was that just a coincidence? 

No matter. In another month, he would never have to talk to Joshua ever again.

*****

Scoups: can’t make it today. Gotta wrap up some errands.

Meangyu: shit, me 2 but I left some stuff at the music room. can someone get it? It’s a couple of notebooks with my name on it

WoOo: need to be back home early today. sorry Han, r u going?

Me: srsly? 

Meangyu: UGH SORRY JEONGHANNN BUT ITS REALLY URGENT

WoOo: pls don’t type everything in caps...

Scoups: ^^

Me: fine, but u owe me a bubble tea drink

Jeonghan started off towards the music room. It was a Friday and there were no rehearsals. Jeonghan didn’t actually mind going to the old music room alone. He didn’t want to go home yet anyway, knowing what awaited was either an empty house or, even worse, his parents’ disapproving faces.

Jeonghan was just taking his final step up the stairs when he heard it. The soothing music of guitar strings plucked in meticulous order. The chord progressions were complex and the clarity in which the sound travelled from the music room all the way to where Jeonghan stood made him remain still for a few moments, in awe of the clearly professional guitar player. 

On one hand, the musician had intruded into his private space shared between his 3 friends. On the other, DAMN was he good at guitar. Probably the best Jeonghan has ever heard. He might fall in love then and there. And then there’s the fact that all the guitars in the dingy music room were out of tune and broken. Either Mr. Playsguitarlikeagod brought one of his own or took it upon himself to fix one of them. 

Jeonghan crept forward, careful not to step on the floorboards he knows are creaky by heart. Different names came up in his mind as to who the mystery man(or woman) was. He peeked in.

And his jaw dropped.

The afternoon sunlight that filtered through, made soft by the patterned window, lit up the dark strands of Joshua’s hair. His silhouette as a whole was enough to make anyone stop and stare. Just him perched on a stool bent over a guitar with his eyes closed, slender fingers gliding over the strings. God just had to make Hong Jisoo the most attractive man Jeonghan had ever seen in his short, uneventful life.

Then, Joshua opened his eyes. He stopped playing and his eyes widened even more at the sight of who was at the door.

“Jeonghan..?”

The awe he felt dissipated to leave behind the all-too-familiar hatred. How dare the most attractive man Jeonghan had ever seen in his short, uneventful life invade his comfort space. The only place he felt truly safe at. 

“What the fuck are you doing here? This is MY music room.” Very childish statement, but Jeonghan was too mad to care. He strode in to face Joshua who was already standing up and placing his guitar aside. Jeonghan recognised it, and it confirmed his suspicions. Joshua had been here before and he had come back to replace its broken strings and tune it. 

“Is it now? I thought this was the school’s, public domain.” Joshua replied calmly back. His level-headed response only managed to infuriate Jeonghan even more.

“I found it. This place belongs to me and my friends now and you have NO right to come in here and mess with our stuff. So get the fuck out of here and never come back. You hear me?!” With that, Jeonghan turned around and began to storm back out.

“Why do you hate me so much?!” Joshua cried out, halting Jeonghan in his tracks. “I’ve tried being nice to you, but every time I’m met with the same hatred. I’ve noticed the way you look at me is different then when you look at anyone else. I just want to know WHY.”

Jeonghan turned around to face him, seething. “Everything was fine before you showed up. You stole everything away from me.” Jeonghan knew that wasn’t true. Joshua didn’t steal anything, he was just better. But Jeonghan carried on anyway. “How do you think it feels to work so hard only for somebody to barge in and discredit it? To look at your parent’s faces and see disappointment glaring back because you weren’t good enough. Second best. For me, that’s worse than being the worst. Don’t you understand that? So stop being nice to me, because that won’t change the reality that you’re better than me. Everybody else in this goddamn school loves you anyway, there’s no need to be friends with me. Let’s just keep our interactions to the play and never talk to each other again. Let’s just say I hate you, just the way you are.”

Jeonghan gasped, out of breath. Joshua could only stare back at him as he processed everything, different emotions flitting over his face. The both of them stood still for a moment, staring silently at each other before Joshua finally said. 

“I’m not better than you.”

Jeonghan’s face crinkled up in disbelief. “Wha-“

“I’m not. Jeonghan... I look up to you. I always have. And I’m sorry you feel that way, but I won’t stop being nice to you. Even if you hate me.” 

Now, it was Jeonghan’s turn to stare, processing. Joshua walked past Jeonghan and out the door, leaving the latter to replay the scene in his mind over and over again. 

*****

Jeonghan spent the free period after Monday assembly searching for Junhui. Junhui is Joshua’s deskmate, hence Jeonghan assumed him to be Joshua’s close friend, and after that whole thing in the music room, Jeonghan needed answers. Answers to what exactly he wasn’t sure.

_‘I look up to you. I always have._ ’

That phrase refused to leave his mind ever since.

Jeonghan didn’t find him in class. Instead, he bumped into him underneath the school bleachers. Well, more like walked into Junhui’s make out session with Minghao. Chan, the first year, had ratted out their location to Jeonghan after he had reached the point of desperation where he called out Junhui’s name in the school corridors.

“Oh. Shit. I’m sorry.” Jeonghan blushed hard as the couple broke apart.

Minghao giggled. “Hyung’s as red as a tomato. Don’t worry, we’re chill. It’s just you.”

Just Jeonghan? What is that supposed to mean?

Junhui cleared his throat. “I’ve kind of expected you.”

“Expected... me? W-why?” 

“Jisoo told me.”

Jeonghan felt relieved. He didn’t have to explain the whole thing.

“So, what do you think?” Junhui asked.

“Wait, what? I-“ Jeonghan was supposed to be asking the questions. What’s with the sudden turn-around. “I just want to know what he meant by that. Why did he say he looked up to me? He should hate me. It.. it just makes no sense.”

Junhui and Minghao both lit up with a sudden dawn of realisation. They shared a glance before Junhui piped up. “You know there’s a reason he doesn’t.”

“Huh.. doesn’t what?”

“Hate you.”

“And that is..?”

“Isn’t it pretty obvious?”

“Wait, does he feel pity for me? Ugh that bastard.” Jeonghan growled. 

Junhui merely shook his head dejectedly. “Well, if that’s how you want to take it..”

Jeonghan was done with his cryptic answers. He realised there was no point in getting anything out of them so he sighed and bid them farewell. 

As the two boys watched Jeonghan walk back to the school blocks, Minghao giggled again. “He really has no idea, huh?”

Junhui sighed. “None at all.”

*****

Rehearsals were awkward. So painfully awkward. Jeonghancouldn’t focus when he was around Joshua. His mind kept going back to what the boy had said and kept messing up his lines. Soonyoung was growing steadily frustrated and finally burst when Jeonghan forgot the entire melody so his duet song with Joshua.

Soonyoung threw the papers he held in his hand up and groaned. “Let’s take 10, no 20. Jeonghan, I don’t know what’s up with you today but we’ve got a week left. Please take a rest, and maybe go see Jihoon for a bit to rehearse that melody bit, okay?”

Jeonghan ducked his head in guilt. “Sorry, Soonyoung. Will do.” Soonyoung shot him a sympathetic look to show he wasn’t really angry with him.

Jeonghan took a swig of water before trudging over to where Jihoon sat over at the piano. The music director shot him a knowing look. “Love troubles?”

“WHAT?!” Jeonghan spluttered. “N-no, not at all! You got the wrong idea!” 

“Really?” Jihoon leaned back to look over Jeonghan’s shoulder where Joshua stood. “Whatever it is, he looks as bad, or even worse than you.”

Puzzled, Jeonghan followed his gaze. Joshua was chatting with a very animated Lee Chan. The younger boy was probably hoping to become Romeo during his senior year and was taking tips from Joshua. Although Joshua responded like usual, even Jeonghan could notice the dark circles under his dainty eyes. His posture slacked and his hair a bit more unruly then it ought to be. Was it possible that Joshua, too, was affected by what went down at the music room? No, Jeonghan was getting too high in his own head. That’s not it. But he still looked troubled.

“What’s wrong with him?” Jeonghan asked before he could stop himself. Since when did he care?

Jihoon looked smug, as if he’d just scored a key to winning a game. “You tell me. You’re the one who blew up on him.” 

So it WAS the music room incident. Great, Jeonghan actually feels bad now. And Jihoon knows about it.

“I didn’t know you were close to Joshua.” Jeonghan murmured. 

“We go back a long way. I’m basically his confidante, but don’t tell him you got that from me.” Jihoon winked. Then, his mood grew somber. “Not much troubles him, not since his parents passed.”

Jeonghan widened his eyes in shock. This was sudden, and Jihoon never struck Jeonghan as the type to spill other people’s secrets. What sort of ‘confidante’ would do that?

Jihoon continued. “He was young when it happened, maybe 5 or 6. Still, he jumped from foster care to foster care, school to school. Never settled with a new family. Never wanted to. This year is his second last as a minor, last year in school and I’m sure he wants to make the best of it.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Jeonghan cautiously asked. The knot of dread and guilt in his stomach was steadily growing. 

“I thought you should know. Maybe it’ll change what you think of him, maybe it won’t. But maybe you can understand him a bit more from this.” Jihoon shrugged. “Do you want to start rehearsing now?”

“Uhh.. give me a moment. I’ll be back.” Jeonghan went for another swig of water, feeling pieces of a puzzle click in his brain. Oh god, does he feel bad right now.

‘To look at your parent’s faces and see disappointment glaring back because you weren’t good enough.’

Joshua didn’t even HAVE parents to look at. At this point, Jeonghan realised that all this while, he wasn’t the one hurting more. He owes Joshua an apology. But he doesn’t get a chance to. 

Last week of rehearsals has got everyone’s schedules packed. Jeonghan could barely find time for himself even. Everytime he and Joshua made eye contact, Jeonghan tried to relay that. That he wanted to take back everything he said. Even though he said that he’d never talk to Joshua again, he needed to clear things up after the play. 

*****

“Ummm..”

Jeonghan was quite literally at a loss for words as he stared at his reflection in the mirror. The atrocity Hansol had called an attire was already starting to give him a headache. He wore a bright red beret, a rainbow blue-yellow flare dress and a green cape with purple swirls. Jeonghan was sure that if THIS was what Juliet wore while she was snooping about with Romeo, she would’ve long been prosecuted for visual damage rather than treason.

“Are you sure this is what Soonyoung had in mind?” Jeonghan moved away from the mirror, afraid the glass would crack if he stood there any longer.

“Nope.” Jeonghan heard the snap as Hansol took a picture of him. “Sorry Hyung, I wouldn’t give this opportunity up for the world.” Hansol doubled over in laughter. 

Jeonghan glowered at the younger and lunged after him. Hansol shrieked and ran, still laughing with the phone clutched in his hand. Where did Hansol even find these sort of ridiculous clothes was beyond Jeonghan. He gave chase, breaking into youthful laughter as well.

The two ran circles around each other for a good minute before Jeonghan finally cornered Hansol. “I swear to God, you little brat..” Jeonghan pounced for the phone, out of breath.

“HAHAHAHAHA HYUNG NOOO HAHAHAHAHA WAIT *wheeze* WAIT TILL I SEND THIS TO JISOO!” 

Both boys froze, with Jeonghan on his tip toes reaching over to where Hansol held his phone high above his head. They only jolted out of their stunned stillness when Jeonghan’s eyesore of a beret fell of his head. 

“Hansol,” Jeonghan spoke in a low, dangerous tone. “What do you mean by that?”

“I-I meant JIHOON, not Jisoo.” Hansollaughed nervously, pupils averting Jeonghan’s gaze.

“Hansol..”

“Seriously, hyung. It’s just a slip of the tongue.”

Jeonghan sighed. He didn’t want to have to come to this. “If you don’t tell me right now, I will tell Seungkwan about your little crush on him.”

Hansol gasped. “You wouldn’t!! Wait, how did you know?” 

“That doesn’t matter now. Just tell me why you have the need to send it to Hong Jisoo.”

Hansol gulped, tugging on the rim of shirt. Jeonghan waited, his patience running thin.

Wait, that’s it. 

“Did Joshua set you up to this? Did he make you take embarassing pictures of me to blackmail me or something?” Not that Jeonghan was that embarrassed when Hansol has taken them. Knowing the younger, Hansol would joke around and prank but he would never deliberately hurt a person’s reputation. But Jeonghan didn’t know Joshua. Maybe this was retribution for shouting at him that day. That would make sense, wouldn’t it? No one could be that nice. 

This would make things even. Yet, there was a small voice in the back of his head telling him that he had gotten it all wrong. A voice he conveniently ignored.

Hansol fidgeted before Jeonghan, looking guilt-ridden and murmuring unintelligible protests. Jeonghan softened his expression. “Don’t worry, Hansol. I’m not mad at you. It’s just... nevermind. How about you show me what I’m ACTUALLY supposed to wear?”

Hansol paused for a moment, looking as if he wanted to say something more, then decided against it and led the way back to the costume area. 

Understandably, Jeonghan was still confused but he decided to focus on the play for now. A play that was going to open doors in less than two days.

*****

“GOOD LUCK EVERYONE, BREAK A LEG OUT THERE. FIGHTING!!” Chan managed to wish his final endearments before Soonyoung kicked him out the door from backstage. 1 more hour remained before the play began and everyone was notably a mix of excitement and nerves.

Jeonghan was more to the excited end of the spectrum. He had just wrapped up a conversation with Seokmin and Seungkwan and was walking back to get some rest when he appeared.

“Hey, Jeonghan. Can I talk to you for a bit?” Joshua’s usually calm exterior was replaced with one of anxiety. His fingers were playing nervously with the hem of his shirt and he kept his eyes cast downwards. Joshua was already in his Romeo costume. Not many can pull off medieval ancient attire, yet here Joshua was looking radiant even in the dimness of backstage. 

Surprised, Jeonghan wondered if he needed to clear up some scenes or needed help with his lines. In that case, he usually asked Soonyoung but Jeonghan agreed anyway. 

He followed Joshua to a quieter, darker part of backstage, away from prying eyes. Joshua’s nervousness was starting to rub off on Jeonghan. What could this boy possibly want?

“So.. uhh.. you know how you said that we’re never going to talk again?”

Jeonghan nodded. “Oh yeah, about that. I’ve been meaning to apologise.” Jeonghan rubbed his neck, this was harder than it was supposed to be. “I’m sorry for being so harsh, I don’t suppose there won’t be any hard feelings but I just wanted you to know that.”

“No. I’M sorry. I thought the only way you’d notice me was if I made it to your level.” Jeonghan was confused. Notice him? Joshua continued. “So I joined everything you did. I didn’t mean to... steal those things away. I realise I was wrong and I’m truly, truly sorry.”

“Joshua... what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that I accept that you hate me. I really messed up. And I’ll stop trying to approach you, like what you wanted.”

“I don’t understand.” At this point, Jeonghan didn’t know how to react. It felt like the pieces of the puzzle were there, but he still didn’t know how to fit them all together. “I’ve said some mean things, too. Don’t feel bad about anything and don’t go out of your way to be nice to me, that’s all.”

Joshua groaned out loud. “You don’t get it, do you? It’s not out of my way, it’ll never be out of my way.”

“But-“

“I think I’m in fucking love with you.”

Under the dim light, Jeonghan could barely make out Joshua’s face. His own was a statue of shock. “What?”

“I know it’s dumb. We’re not even friends but I liked you ever since I came to this school. You’re so cool and smart and talented and funny and so goddamn handsome. You were the best and you knew your goals and you didn’t care what others thought of you and you had the respect of the entire school. I thought the only way to get you to notice me is if I stand at the same level as you. And you did notice me.” Joshua laughed bitterly. “But not in the way I wanted.”

Jeonghan’s tongue felt heavy in his mouth. He wanted to say something, anything, but he couldn’t move a muscle. Suddenly, everything clicked.

‘ _Isn’t it pretty obvious?’_

_ ‘Maybe it’ll change what you think of him, maybe it won’t.’ _

_ ‘wait till I send this to Jisoo’ _

Seems like everyone had known it. Except for Jeonghan.

“I’m sorry for saying all this right now. It’s the worst timing really. You don’t have to say anything.. I’ll just get going now. Show starts in half an hour.” Joshua walked past him and shot him a half-hearted smile. “Good luck.”

With that, Jeonghan was left yet again to replay the scene in his mind over and over again.

*****

The play carried on without a hitch. However, something was different. When Jeonghan did his scenes with Joshua, it wasn’t a lie. There was no facade of pretend likeness. The fond looks he received were returned to Joshua with sincerity. Some sort of unspoken message was translated on that stage.

During their final scene, just before the death, Jeonghan realised there was a moment. Staring down at Joshua, supposedly ‘dead’ with poison, Jeonghan recognised that moment. Out of script, he bent down to kiss Joshua, who had stiffened instantaneously under his touch but still kept in character, much to the applause of the audience. 

When the curtains went down, Joshua scrambled up, staring in shock at Jeonghan. His cheeks and ears were tainted a lovely shade of pink. 

“I wonder. Are you better than me at kissing, too?” Jeonghan joked slyly, feeling ecstatic and breathless.

Joshua broke into a grin. It was the prettiest sight Jeonghan had ever seen. He leaned forward until their faces were mere centimetres apart. Jisoo cupped Jeonghan’s face, slender fingers entangling in long, soft hair, and brought their lips together.

“Only one way to find out.”


End file.
